Julian Tells Me A Story

Getting Julian home that day was so overwhelming. I was exhausted from the flight and all the chaos that came with picking him up. I was full of emotions as any new mother would be. Love for my new child, fear of what kind of mother I would be, lost because I had no idea what I was doing! But more than anything I longed for my husband to be there in that moment. To be a part of the chaos that took place when I picked him up...to be there as I brought him into our home for the first time...this was not the picture perfect home coming I had hoped for.

When we walked thru my front door that day I noticed my dinning room was full of baby clothes and toys. My mom and my now step-father (not the evil step-father) had went shopping for Julian while I was out of town. There were more clothes for him then my mom and I had in both of our closets. There were cute little outfits for church...pjs...shorts...onsies...even a little pair of sandals and tennis shoes. He was set for the next few months in the clothing department! I was very grateful. It was the perfect gift for our little man.

I sat at the table with my baby in my arms and I started to talk to him. It was then that he made eye contact with me for the first time. I was welcoming him home and telling him about how long we waited for him. My mom was standing behind me and Julian's eyes would go from mine to hers and then back to mine when I would talk. There was a moment of silence with all three of us where we all just sat and took the moment in....and then with a huge sigh...Julian began to talk. It was the most amazing little voice I ever heard. His little voice was telling me a story. It sounded like a sad story....he kept looking at his hands when he would talk like a scared child would while tell a story. His words were not recognizable but his tones would change from sad to more sad depending on what he was trying to say...he babbled for at least 5 minutes until he got his whole little story out. It was one of my favorite Julian moments ever! It was like he needed my mom and I to hear him...he needed to tell us what he had been thru and he finally felt safe enough to tell someone.

When he was done with his story my mom and I laughed...it was a moment in time that three of us would always share. And I think it was the first time Julian tried let us in just a little bit because his little eyes seemed different. They didn't seem as dark. He was still hiding in that little body of his but he seemed just a little more free now that we heard him. I gave him a bottle after that and I watched him drink down every ounce. I was trying to remember every inch of him and I couldn't stop looking at him. I was having a hard time keeping my emotions under control...I wanted to tell the world how happy I was to be a mother and cry at the same time about how I ended up with this child. I wanted to hurt the people that had hurt him....and I wanted him to know I was going to take care of him now...and that his little mind didn't need to worry anymore.