Court Hearings

Court hearings were the one thing that we were told we shouldn't participate in. In our training they mentioned it several times that going to the court hearings made it more emotional for the legal risk parent. It was best to trust the system and the child's social worker to their jobs. We agreed that we didn't need more of a roller coaster ride then we were already living but we did have concerns as to what was really going on in court. When we asked Betty Rose if we should start going to court she told us there was really no reason for us to be there. And so we trusted her in the beginning.


The court hearings happened once a month. Betty Rose would usually come to our home for her monthly home visit the week before the court hearing to get an update on Julian's progress. She never took notes or even asked many questions. Instead she just got the highlight show and then spent the remaining time hugging and kissing Julian. We never knew what her agenda was for going to court until after the court hearing and I would call her for an update. Her updates were usually short and non-informational.

After the bio parents had missed their first two hour visit I needed to know about these mysterious court hearings. I needed to know what Betty Rose was telling the judge. I knew I could ask her but Betty Rose was always full of excuses for why things weren't moving along the way we wanted and why she couldn't tell us what had happened in the court hearing. I finally decided to take matters into my own hands. I knew that my husband nor I could go to the court hearing because we didn't want our identities known to the bios. We were still under the impression that Julian's biological father was dangerous. We didn't want them to know who we were just in case he truly was the dangerous man we had been lead to believe he was. Finally, after much discussion between my husband and I we decided I should ask my brother to help us out.

As the phone rang and I waited for my brother to answer I began to notice how nervous I was. I knew my brother would help us but I also knew what I was asking. I was asking him to do something I didn't even have the guts to do myself. Not only that what if the bios figured out who my brother was? Would that evil father retaliated? I didn't know any of the answers to my questions but I did know I needed to figure out what happened in these court hearings. Then he answered, "Hey Sis, Whats up?" I giggled at the sound of his voice. I always do. He always sounds like he is putting on a stand up show in some comedy club. He is the one guy that can make a cloudy day seem sunny for me with just a hello! I said,"Well I need your help." I stuttered over what I wanted and explained how I needed him to go to court and why I couldn't go. I rambled on about needing details and wanting him to gather them for me. It was an awkward exchange of words. My voice trembled with emotion. I was full of fear about the case and you could hear it in each word that left my lips.

After a few minutes of me rambling he said,"Uhhh this seems weird. But sure I will go." I sighed in relief and then thanked him about a hundred times. We talked about the details. What time he should be there, who he was looking for and what to pay attention to. As we got off the phone I wondered why he thought it was weird. I didn't even ask him. I was just so relieved to have someone going for us. As I put the phone back on the receiver Julian began crying. Probably because he wasn't the center of my world at that moment. I leaned over him and grabbed his little face in my hands and said,"I love you Bubbie and we are gonna win this thing if it kills me." He had no idea what my words meant but he loved it when I put his little face in my hands. And so he showed me his big two and half teeth smile and I wiped the tears from his eyes and we both went on with our day.

I was full of anxiety that entire week. Betty Rose showed up for her scheduled visit to our home that Wednesday and Thursday was the court hearing. She asked about Julian's progress physically. I told her about physical therapy and then explained that we were still having a formula issues with the bios and that they hadn't shown up for their first two hour visit. She told me that when she finally got a hold of them on the phone, after they missed the visit. They told her that nobody explained to them when the visits were going to start. I saw the frustration in her eyes when she said to me,"I told them FOUR times personally. I even had a translator tell them in Spanish. So that is FIVE times that they heard they were suppose to be there" Her frustrated tone was like miracle grow to my hopes of the bios never getting Julian back. I looked for every ounce of hope she ever gave me and when she was frustrated with them I was pleased. I asked her that day if she would tell the judge that they hadn't shown up and she said it would all be in her report.

For the first time I heard her refer to a report given to the judge. I wondered why I had never seen one before. When I asked for a copy of the reports she had already given the judge during past court hearings she said they weren't allowed to be seen by the FOSTER FAMILY. And with that all the hope I felt just breaths before were now crushed by Betty Rose. I let her words get to me every time. And I didn't know how to not let them beat me up. I said to her,"Well that is interesting that I can't see them since I thought his file was open to us. We already read the entire thing. There isn't much that could be in those reports that would be considered confidential seeing as that we are the ones giving you the information." She rolled her eyes as if I was asking for to much from her once again. She answered me by simply saying,"You can't see them."

It was very frustrating for us to deal with Betty Rose. The frustration was compounded when it came to the legalities of the case because we weren't sure the judge was hearing the entire truth about Julian's case. There were so many things we considered red flags about the bios. Like the fact that the bios never confessed or figured out how Julian was injured. Or that they were not showing up for visits. They came to three visits out of the four they had a month. There was also the fact that for months we were trying to get them to bring formula for Julian that was soy based because he was allergic to other formulas. The bios couldn't figure this issue out and continually gave him regular formula during visits and then we dealt with the sick baby aftermath. I even went as far as to bring them an empty can of formula so they could just match it at the store. Yet that just confused things further and then they either never brought him formula or still brought the wrong formula. It was these kind of things a judge should hear so she could tell what kind of parents these people really were. What would happen if they got him back and they continued to give him the wrong formula or they forgot to pick him up somewhere three out of four times a month?

As Betty Rose was leaving that day I asked again, "Would it be a good idea for me to come to court and talk to the judge?" A look of terror came over her face as she said,"It is not necessary. The judge won't speak to you anyway. She only reads my reports and talks to the parents." And so I once again trusted her at her word and stuck with my plan to send my brother.