Ashley & I Share Our Stories

We drove to Chili's and I stayed quiet most of the trip. I was listening to the two girls talk to one another about how cute Shia Labeouf was from Transformers. Both of them giggled at the thought of watching him in that movie. I smiled as I tried to remember who this guy was and at the same time I was remembering being that age in my own life. They seemed so young and yet one of them was making a decision that I couldn't imagine at my age let alone at her age.

Before I knew it we were parking the car and walking into the restaurant. We sat at the table. The two girls took their spots together on one side of the table and I sat alone on the other side. When we were all sitting and able to see each other face to face the vibe went from jovial and giggly to nervous. Not just for Ashley but for me as well. Looking into each other eyes I felt like the world stopped around us. We were both looking at one another wondering if we would be bound together for life. Finally, the silence was broken and the world joined us again as our mutual friend started the conversation for us. She said to me," I told Ashley you would be a good mom because of how you were with me when I was little." My heart grew with that statement. Once again I was being given a pep talk by a young voice, as if she knew I needed it. Just knowing this young girl thought so highly of me made all the difference in the world.

And so with that one statement Ashley and I started our first conversation. It began with me asking about the baby and how she came to make this decision. She explained she knew she couldn't give her child the life it deserved and her and the baby's father were no longer together so she had decided adoption was the best option. She wanted it to be an open adoption so she could see the baby grow and she was still trying to figure out what "open" meant to her. She didn't know if it meant she got pictures and a couple of visits a year or if she wanted to be in the picture more. I asked her about her family and how they felt about her decision and she smiled with love as she talked about them. Her father especially. She seemed to have a strong support system and really her only concern was her mom. Her mom was struggling with losing this child as part of the family but she hoped that by the time the baby was born she would come to see that this was the best decision.

I listened to her every word. I watched her facial expressions and saw the strength and fear in her eyes. The more she talked the more I fell in love with the idea of being chosen to take her baby.

Then it was my turn. She asked me questions about Julian's case and she wondered how long it would go on. I tried to answer the best I could but she and I both knew I had no idea. She asked about my husband and our marriage. She wondered why we hadn't had children of our own and I gave her all the answers I as honestly as I could. I knew she needed every detail to make this decision. Then as lunch came to an end we both knew we were connect at the heart. We had shared our stories. Two women wanting to find a perfect match for a perfect gift.

As I said good bye to her I knew her worries were the same as mine....what would happen with Julian. She was concerned for her child and I was concerned for mine. As we all piled back into the car I thanked her for sharing her story with me and asked her to keep in touch. She promised she would. As I headed down the road toward her home there was a different feel in the air. The car was quieter and she and I analyzed our last hour together. As the music played and she and I got lost in our own thoughts I couldn't help but wonder....was I suppose to be this baby's adoptive mother?