The Baby Whisperer

After meeting with Denise I knew I had to do everything I could to give Julian as much of a normal life as possible. Every week was full of some kind of social service appointment that I couldn't get us out of but when we were home I worked on routines and normalcy for Julian. I was struggling with getting him on a napping schedule. He wouldn't nap during the day and because of that he would end of screaming and cry most of the day. I remember thinking to myself one day how in the world did his biological parents not know something was wrong with this kid. His screams would pierce my ears and they were just screams from being overly tired....I couldn't imagine the sounds this child would have made with broken bones.

Unfortunately when he cried most of the day...I cried most of the day. I didn't know how to help him. I was ignorant as to what a 5 month old's schedule should be. I knew he was having issues with feeling secure so letting him "cry it out" was not the right answer but some days it was the only way I would remain sane. I would put him in his crib and close the door while he cried and screamed and then I would go downstairs and talk myself thru not losing my cool with this small child. I felt like a terrible parent listening to him cry but when I tried to hold him or rock him the tension between us just got worse. It was a very hard time for both of us.

One day when my husband came Julian had just fallen asleep at 5 pm for a nap...I looked like some sorta character from a horror movie...my eyes were swollen from crying, my hair was insane from rubbing my hands thru it and I was wearing sweat pants and old tee shirt which were covered in barf and tears from both of us. I was at the end of my rope. I didn't even say hello to my husband I just grabbed my purse and said I need to go out. He was nervous. I am not sure what scared my husband more the way I looked or the fact that I wanted to go out looking like that. He wasn't sure about our day but just from looking at me he could tell it was a rough one. As I walked out the door he asked if I was okay and I just sharply replied...NO! And left.

My first stop was the book store. I had to find a book on how to be a better mother. There had to be some sort of education out there to help Julian and I get along better. I was tired he was tired...and I knew we couldn't' keep fighting one another. And so I got in the car and headed to find a book. I got to the book store and I found my way to the Parenting Isle...I was looking for something like Parenting for Dummies or 5 Easy Steps to be the Perfect Mother but I found nothing like that. I was surprised that there were so few books on parenting. There was only one bookshelf and most of the books were on pregnancy.

As I looked at the book shelf I thought to myself the answer has to be here. I threw my purse on the floor and sat cross legged in the middle of the isle. I didn't care who was around me or what they thought...I was on a mission to find answers. I needed to see a schedule for a 5 month old...and I needed to see what it should be like as he got older. I needed to know when he got teeth and when I should feed him baby food....I had a list of what he should be doing physically at 5 months old but I needed to know about expectations for 6 months old. And so I sat there and dug thru every book. I must have looked thru 50 books and then I picked up the book that saved my life....The Baby Whisperer!

The minute I opened the book it showed a babies feeding, napping and playing schedule. I knew that was the one...as I read more I saw it even told me about getting the child to take naps and it gave ideas of how to get them to sleep and sooth themselves....I was so overwhelmed with the knowledge that I began to cry. I dug thru my purse and took out a cloth diaper I used when Julian would throw up...I wiped my tears and then laughed out loud as I thought...how did I get here..I am wiping my eyes with Julian's barf rag as I sit in the middle of book store in my sweats....I knew it was exhaustion that caused the tears but it was also excitement at the idea that Julian would finally TAKE A NAP!