Julian Hears My Side

As Julian and I danced our way back to the house I began to wonder what kept Julian from wanting to crawl or move for that matter. His little legs went crazy when he was excited or mad and when he played on the floor with daddy he always seemed to wiggle around. I knew the problem couldn't be that he was still in pain because there was some movement. What I couldn't figure out is why he felt stuck.

Pulling into the garage of our home always brought a sense of relief for both of us. It was almost as if we both new we didn't have to deal with anyone outside our world for at least another day. As I took Julian out his seat his eyes were heavy and he was ready for a nap. It was a lot of work for him to be in physical therapy not to mention all the dancing that just took place in the car. I walked us in the house and imediatly started working on getting a bottle ready for him before his nap. As I heated up water and mixed in formula I told Julian my side of the story. I was talking to him like he was my partner in crime not like was my 9 month old son. I was explaining to him that he needed to be brave and start to move. I asked him why he didn't want to move? And with each word I spoke he listened with a look of seriousness in his eyes. I told him we didn't want to go to another appointment during the week and then I explained really it was me that didn't want to go. As he sat connected to my hip his arm looped around mine and he continued to stare at me with his huge brown eyes as though he were understanding every word. As soon as the bottle was ready he squealed and grabbed it out of my hand and it was at that point he was no longer listening to my words but instead concentrating on the warmth of formula in his hands and mouth. I couldn't help but smile at his excitment everytime he knew it was time to eat and with one squeal I forgot I was complaining to him.

We began to walk us up the stairs to his room. We sat in our favorite rocking chair. He held his bottle and I took off each one of his little socks and shoes. Soon we were both comfortable and as he lay in my left arm I caressed his little face not saying a word with my right hand. His eyes blinked as he tried to keep them open and soon he took his bottle out of his mouth and babbled a sentence to me. Although his words were only in a language he could understand I did know he was serious and not his usually silly self. Soon he stuck the bottle back in his mouth and put as hand on my face as if to tell me it was going to be okay.

When the bottle was empty I leaned Julian against my shoulder and sang to him. His little arms were on either side of my neck and one hand played with my hair. Soon his body felt heavy and I moved us from the chair and put him in his crib. He laid on his tummy, hugged his favorite blue blanket with Elmo on it, and within seconds he was in a deep sleep. I watched in for a few minutes as his little body took in deep breaths and as I walked out the room I asked God to help me with the next step, to help Julian.

What I didn't know it at the time was he already was. With his little sentence and his hand on my face Julian was letting me know that day that he knew it was time for us all to take the next step.