You want me to HOLD IT???

As we threw away our coffee cups we headed back to the clinic. This time we had a different walk about us. We were a little more confident and a lot more excited! We had talked about all the possibilities of nursery themes. Going all the way from the usual pink and blues to spiderman and princess themes. We even went over the fact that we could have twins since there were two eggs...and we were great with that! Any baby was the goal...two would be a bonus. Life seemed different on that trip back.

They had been expecting us back at the clinic and were ready to finish up the IUI process. They took us back into a room where I once again found myself on the table half naked waiting to slide into the stirrups...and once again I was doing this in front of my husband. I was figuring as long as there was no mucus talk he should make it thru this.

We sat there for awhile until a tech from the sperm spa came over. She had in her hand a test tube that had my husbands name and social security number on it. She told us the sperm's spa day went well and then asked us to sign a form that said we were taking the little swimmers into our possession and another form saying that if there was a sperm mix up we wouldn't sue. Nice right?? As my husband went to sign the paper work she handed me tube and said, "Here ya go!".....I said, "You want me to hold it?" She started to giggle and said well hopefully in a few minutes you will be "holding" one for a least 9 months. And so I took the tube.

Again it was so strange to be holding what could be half of our child in the palm of my hand...literally. It was probably in the top three weirdest things I have done in life. My husband signed off on the forms and I watched him while holding the tube in my hand. It looked a little like I was 15 years old again and I was behind the steering wheel of a car during my first driving lesson. I kept my arm out strait and I held on to it with a death grip.... The tech had told me I needed to keep the A-Team warm while holding it so I was white knuckled...I mean it wasn't going to be my fault they got cold! The tech left us after she got our paper work and again we looked at each other and laughed. My husband then said...breath and put your arm down...its just sperm....and then I got the giggles.

Soon after that our nurse came in. It was the same nurse I had been with early in the week for my ultrasounds and that helped with the comfort level. As she came in she made eye contact with me then smiled and said to me...Are you ready for this?? I responded with...yes...and I handed her the tube....and then I laid back on the table.

As I lay in the stirrups my husband held my hand. She then started to show us all the tools she would be using to insert the swimmers in to my cervix. First was the speculum or as I referred to it in an earlier chapter...the duck! The duck helps them get a good view of my cervix. Then there was a syringe that had a tiny little hose attached to the end. The syringe sucks out the swimmers from the tube and then with the little hose they are pushed out of the syringe and into my cervix. With any luck this system was going to help us conceive. After going thru all the tools she asked if we had any questions. I think both of us were so anxious to have this happen that we just shook our head no to get her to move to the next step.

Within a minute the whole procedure was done. She said...that's it! And I thought seriously...your going with that's it...you really have no idea what we have been thru. She told me that I should go about my day like I would any other day and that's what I did. With the swimmers inside my cervix I got off the table we left the clinic...I kissed my husband good bye and we went back to work. But neither of us could think of anything else. I even found myself talking to my tummy that day. Saying things like...come on little guys you can do it!

And then we waited to see if we were pregnant.........