Day Three Still No Period

Our second day of camping with my family all of us decided to float the Yellowstone River. It was a good thing to do to keep my mind occupied. We had a great day and when we came back to camp I noticed my breasts were really tender. I remembered my cousin, Tori, telling me that was the first thing she noticed when she got pregnant. But I thought....no way it couldn't be....did it really happen?? As we all settled in that night around the campfire I was watching the kids roast marshmallows for smores and I started to imagine our child doing that. It was all feeling very possible. I mean I was never late in starting my period and now I was TWO DAYS LATE!

It was day THREE of no period. I couldn't believe it. If we had been home I would have been at the local drugstore buying a 12 pack of pregnancy test just in case one or eleven of them could be wrong.

That day all the boys went fishing and the girls stayed back at camp. In my family there is my grandmother, two cousins, my sister in law and my mother. My cousins both have small children so they were at camp with us that day as well. For the most part all of us girls get along pretty well. Sometimes with all the estrogen its not so easy to do. Not to mention my immediate family is all a bit like me...strong willed...vocal about our opinions or bossy however you see it...and we like things our way. Hey, I don't see anything wrong with it really...as long as they see it my way...actually I am proud we are such independent women!

The one that was the outsider was my sister in law. Especially with me. Our personalities are complete opposites. She had been with my brother for along time and she always wanted for us to be friends. I just never saw it in the cards for us. I always thought she wasn't the right fit for my brother, he never seemed himself when she was around. He lost his fun loving personality and I hated that. She also wasn't a strong female. And if I believe in anything its that every female has her own voice and should stand up for her beliefs. My sister in law didn't see it that way. She believed the more you did for your man the more he would love you. When she was around I kept the conversation light. I never talked to her about anything that really mattered. She did however know everything about our infertility because my brother would tell her but I never confided in her personally. I just didn't see our relationship that way.

As we all sat around the table that day, just us girls, we started to talk about babies. One of my cousins, Tori, had lived this entire nightmare with me. We had become very close. She listened to me when I cried and she rejoiced when I saw a positive. She had two kids and was pregnant again and she did nothing but hope for us to join her in parenthood. My other cousin and I aren't as close but she was asking me questions and I was trying to give her the information she wanted without bringing up the fact that I could be pregnant at that moment. It was probably the most uncomfortable conversation I had in months because it was such an unknown at that moment. As everyone asked me questions and I tried my best to answer, my sister in law decided she needs to add one of her brilliant comments to the conversation and she says....well if this doesn't work out you just adopt....there are plenty of kids that need homes.

It was never what she said to me it was always about her delivery. She never seemed to sound sincere altho she may have been. Even tho what she was telling me maybe true what I wanted to hear was THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN FOR YOU! As her words hit my ears I felt my face starting to get red and I started to take deep breaths. I said to her ya know...I hope your never in this situation and have to feel this way. I then go up walked away from the table. She may have known the facts from my brother about when our appointments were and what we had done. But what she didn't know was all the emotions behind it. She didn't know how many tears I had cried...or how many cookies I ate. All she knew was we wanted a baby and she had the ultimate solution. She was just the first of many people that would say the wrong thing to me about all of this.

I went into my tent to take a breather and all I could think about is please don't let her be right....please God let this work! When my husband got back from fishing he came and found me and said...soooooooo did you start? I gave him a huge smile and said NOPE! And we both were full of joy.