The Last Interview

My husbands interview went well with Violet. Obviously we all have things that we don't want to share with complete strangers and he had some skeletons as well. However, everything he said couldn't compare to the things I had told her about my life. But he was just as honest and the interview took just as long....and for him it was just as nerve racking as mine was. It is not easy for him to open up but it is especially hard to do with someone he had never met. The experience took both of us out of our comfort zones but it was all going to be worth it.

We still had our interview to complete as a couple but neither of us were as worried about it because we had each other for support. There was a couple of weeks between my husband's interview and couples interview because Violet had another commitment and couldn't get it done for us. The waiting to finish it up was unbearable...we were so close! Neither of could imagine another question we could answer after the 4 hour interview we had both endured already. But we were ready for anything she had to ask!

Along with the interviews I had a lot going on at work. There had been quiet a few people that had been laid off due to a slow real estate market and that meant more work for those of us that got keep our jobs. When I heard about the lay offs my conversation with Jackson about me staying or going after we got the baby all came back. He had known then that some of our team was going to be laid off and that meant more work for me. On one of our trips I talked to him about my job. I asked him if I needed to look for a job and he once again assured me that as long as he was there I had job....so once again I put the decision of staying at work on hold until I saw how all this was going to play out.

Over the next few weeks I was out of town most of the time. I think it made it easier to concentrate on work rather than concentrating on the fact that we had this last interview to do before we found out if we were approved. I did find it so hard to concentrate while I was out of town. I would sit in meetings and be thinking of baby names and wondering if the child was out there at that moment waiting for me like I was waiting for them. I would be on airplanes and hear a baby cry and long for the day that it would be me people hated on the plane because it was my child screaming. Now isn't that funny!

Finally, it came time to do that final interview. I remember sitting in our kitchen having a cup of coffee and my husband came over to me and said hold my hand we need to pray. He did all the talking...he prayed for many things that day but the two big requests were for strength that day to listen and accept whatever we were about to be given and he thanked God for our marriage and just as he was saying Amen...the doorbell rang and it was Violet.

The interview took about 5 more hours. We went over how we would parent...I would more than likely be the day to day disciplinarian he would be the "wait till your father gets home kinda guy"...Altho in reality I couldn't even imagine him disciplining a child. He didn't even like yelling at Pugsley. We told her that time outs and grounding would be how we would punish our children, especially a child coming from social services...if your being taken away from your family for being abused spankings seemed inhuman but we also had to sign a contract saying we would not use physical acts as punishment. We talked about what schools they would attend in our area and how racially versatile they were in case the child we brought home was of a different race. We went into full detail about the infertility process and how we both were devastated over the whole process but were renewed when we found social services. We went over our finances and who managed them, how we decided on big purchases, how much we had in savings and checking. We talked about our families and we had to name who was going to be the most supportive..we knew it would be my mother she couldn't wait to be a grandma...I don't think we missed anything about our lives!

However, my favorite was when we had to give her specific times we had argued and how we handled it. I loved this because this one little section of the interview summed up our whole marriage. I can't remember the fight I used as an example but I was explaining that I have learned to walk away from the fight until I can think rationally because usually the things I am thinking shouldn't come out of my mouth. Then when I have calmed down we usually come back together and talk thru it. Violet was writing away at her note book and she looked at my husband and said...And when your angry what do you do. He sat quiet for a long time...I watched his face and even I couldn't see what he was thinking...and then he said....yeah its usually her that gets angry so I just wait for her to calm down! It made me laugh...it was so true. I could think of maybe three of four times in all our entire relationship that he was mad and even then he waited for me to calm down. Usually I would get mad that he was mad and so I would have to walk away and there he would be waiting to plead his case! And with that one comment the interview was done!