Becoming a Mama Bear

As I bounced in and out of listening to Leyla and thinking about Julian I couldn't help but wonder what my husband was thinking. I kept looking over at him and he would look back but I couldn't get a read from his eyes as to what he was thinking. I was becoming so protective of Julian just by listening to the facts and I wondered if my husband was doing the same. As I felt myself slowly turning into a Mama Bear ready to protect her cub I knew this was our case and I just hoped that my husband was on the same page.


Leyla was still telling us facts about Julian's injuries and giving us examples of his delays. She was saying that because of Julian's injuries he was in his casts for about 3 weeks which didn't allow him to move because of the weight of the casts on his legs. After the casts were removed he still would not try and sit up or roll over at 5 months old probably due to remembering the pain that would happen when he had the injuries and would try and move. After weeks of receiving home mother trying to get him to move he still was immobile and he still wouldn't put any weight on his legs. Plus he had acid reflux which made him vomit frequently.

All of this information was heart breaking to me. I was in awe of this small child's strength and courage! Here he was fighting to just keep going when his little body was broken while the people around him continued to hurt him. And worse that his own parents ignored his cries of pain...the only way he knew how to ask for their help...their protection! How could they let this happen?

It was at the very end of getting all the facts before Leyla said to us...There is one big thing you guys should know... I flinched...I knew this was our baby and I couldn't bear to hear we couldn't have him or that the biological parents had started to move in the direction of wanting him back...so I said to her...What? What is it? She said...the parents told the police they had another child in Honduras that had died two years ago. Apparently, they told the police that they weren't sure how the baby died. I couldn't believe what I was hearing...they had another infant that died! Who were these monsters?

Julian's mother had taken the 9 month old infant to see a doctor because the baby was fussy and not eating. The doctor said the baby was only dehydrated and so the baby was given fluids and sent home with the mother. The mother said the baby died the next day but didn't know how or why. Julian's father couldn't answer any questions about the child's death because he was in the United States at the time. And that is when I knew....I couldn't let this child go back to these people. One dead infant already....then Julian's injuries! This was our case...this was our SON!

As Leyla finished with all the facts we both sat wide eyed looking at her then at each other. And then Leyla said.....do you want to see a picture? Before I could say anything my husband said...YES! I knew then he felt the same way I did, he knew this was our son. As she pulled out the photo I felt my husbands hand on my thigh as if to say...get ready this is it!

She handed us the photo and my heart stopped. He was beautiful. The pictures where taken when he was in his cast. The first thing I noticed was he had big dark brown eyes. They didn't have a sparkle like most babies instead his eyes seemed full of pain. He wasn't smiling it was more of a Mug Shot look than one of a 5 month old baby. His skin was a beautiful milk chocolate color and he had TONS of wild hair! I was in love....I knew I was meant to be his mother before I even saw his picture and once I saw the picture I knew this was God's gift! I was going to be his new Mama Bear! I would protect him from the world he knew and show him a world of love and joy!