5 Years Then Marriage

As I followed behind Violet down yet another hallway I hadn't seen I could hear families meeting in different rooms. Some rooms had crying children and some had giggling children. It felt a little like walking thru a pediatricians office. The doors were closed but you could still hear the children behind the door. I began to notice the artwork on the walls as we walked further down the hallway. The theme had changed from Spring Time to now a Rocky Mountains scene. There were large mountains that were caped with snow and tall Pine Trees. Not many animals or life in the picture just mountains. I wondered who thought up these ideas for the walls. It seemed so ironic to me that the waiting area was full of life and almost new beginnings and the walls were the children met with their biological families was a cold and rocky picture.

As we came to our room I took a deep breath and said a quick hello to God to remind him I needed his help. The room was very small and the walls were white. No sign of life at all on those walls. The room was big enough for a regular size sofa and a small organizer where some some toys had found their home. Violet waved her hand toward the sofa and said...have a seat. I settled in to one side of the sofa and she sat at the other. It was so strange. I had envisioned the interview to take place at a table or a desk...but never saw a sofa in the scenario.

As Violet wrestled with her stack of papers and her pen I took of my coat and made myself at home. I crossed one leg under me and dangled my other foot to the floor. Violet began by explaining to me that she did not work with social services. She was with an outside company so anything we had said or done thru social services didn't matter at this point because she wasn't even sure where we were in the process. She was just hear to be gather information and give her opinion on if we were suitable to be parents. She explained that once she finished the interview with me she would also meet with my husband and then meet again with both of us. When all the interviews were done it would take her 5-7 days to put together her findings and then she would let us read what she wrote before sending it to social services.

When she was done explaining how everything was going to happen I felt a little more at ease with the process. I don't know if it was her or just knowing I could read what was being presented about us to social services that put my mind at ease but I felt a few of the butterflies leave. We had come to far for me to be full of fear now and so I said...okay lets get started!

She smiled and began the questions! We started with were I was working and how I liked my job. We even went into the fact that I was considering leaving if and when we got a baby. We talked about my marriage and she asked how we met, how he courted me and how long we had been together before we got married. I told her our story of finding one another and then told her we were together 5 years before we got married. She said... that is a long time why did he wait so long. I said well he didn't....I did! She smiled and said... well it is usually that the woman wants to wait to get married...I let out a deep breath and smiled and that is when I started to get nervous. I felt my face begin to get red and hot and so I just started telling her....See I had seen my mom go thru 3 marriages and none of them were a positive experience for her or I. Growing up I didn't picture myself married or rescued by some prince on a white horse. I just wanted to be safe and independent.

So I wasn't sure about the whole marriage idea. My husband was the only good guy I ever dated as an adult. The rest of them cheated on me, usually with my friends, or there were a few that slept with me and I never heard from them again. I picked the bad boys because I knew they wouldn't stay around...they wouldn't want to get married and settle down. Sure it hurt when they left but there was always another one around the corner. So when I met my husband I never pictured a relationship because he was way to nice for me...I never thought in a million years I would date a guy like him. He on the other hand will tell you he knew he wanted to marry me from the day he met me. He can tell you every conversation we had where we had it.

It took me five years to figure out I deserved a guy like him...and he didn't care that it took that long he just waited until I was ready. He just loved me thru it. As I told her this story of our relationship I knew for her I was barely touching the surface of what she wanted to know. But I saw in her eyes she loved our story....and I was just happy I hadn't cried yet!