Sandy Believes In Them

The first two hour visits started in mid August. Every Friday and Saturday the bios spent two hours a day with him. On Friday's the visits were at same county building. The biggest difference that happened during these visits was Sandy, the life skills worker, participated in them. Her job was to translate directions into Spanish for the bios and also to teach them how to read Julian's cues on when he was tired or hungry etc. For me, the idea that Sandy was a part of these visits was a nightmare in the making. The idea that I had to deal with her made me feel like I needed a one way ticket to crazy town, and the sad part was I had only met her the one time. Unfortunately she was kind enough to confirmed my fears that first Friday visit on August 17th.

As we pulled into the back parking lot I saw Sandy. My heart began to pound from the anxiety of having to deal with her. I watched her briefly as she chatted with her coworkers. They laughed together and I saw a glimpse of a new person. I sat and wondered what they were talking about, what made her laugh like that? Was there some magic in that conversation that I could use to combat her negativity toward me? It wasn't long before she made eye contact with me as I pulled into the dreaded "foster parent" parking space. She was obviously waiting for us because she waved at me and headed our way, leaving her friends and smile behind.

Julian was in the back seat sleeping. He was so tired during these visits because they were scheduled during his usual nap time. I looked in the rear view mirror to check on him and instead of seeing my sleeping baby I saw Sandy was well on her way over. As soon as I turned the car off Julian woke up crying probably because he was unaware of where he was. I unbuckled my seat belt and started to get out of the car when I heard the back car door open. It was Sandy opening the car to get Julian. Before I could think clearly I snapped at her and said, "I will get him!" Almost pushing her out of my way I began to sing to Julian as I bent over into the back seat. The singing was to help him from crying, on of those cues nobody taught me about him. It worked he was all smiles as soon as our eyes met and he heard my terrible rendition of Jesus Loves Me.

I unbuckled him out of the car seat and pulled him out. As I turned around Sandy was standing directly behind me so close I could smell her mint gum. She gave us no room to move before she started talking to Julian in Spanish while touching his face. She was telling him how cute he was and asking him if he was excited to see his mommy and daddy. Her jesters were trying to pull Julian out of my arms but his were obviously to stay right where he was, with his MOMMY. As I said excuse me to her, to get her to back up so I could close the car door, she took one step back and said, "So how is his moving coming along? Are you putting him in a walker?" I am sure if my head could have turned on its axis and pea soup could have flown her way it would have. I was so angry with the question that my neck went purple almost within seconds. Had she not learned her lesson from the last time we talked?

I knew no matter what I said it was going to come out mean and nasty. I felt it in my core to just rip her head clean off her body. As I went through my card catalog of sarcastic answers the only thing I could figure out to say was,"He is doing fine." My own words didn't even sound good enough for me so I couldn't believe she accepted that answer, but she did. I looked down at my little man and his eyes were bouncing back and forth from me to Sandy then back to me. He knew he had to go with her and his face seemed dark by the idea. I put my had on his cheek and kissed him on his forehead. Trying to ease his fears I said to him,"I will be back in two hours." His little face lit up as if he knew I would be back. Sandy took him out of my arms and said,"Is there anything they need to be doing during this time?" I rolled my eyes in disgust and said,"He needs a bottle and it HAS TO BE SOY. If they can show up to this visit and give him soy formula it will be a first."

I could tell Sandy disliked me as much as I did her. She gave me a weak smile and spun around on her heals to leave. I watched her walk back into the county building with my heart in her arms and I asked God to help me not run after them. I hated that she even touched him. I hated it more that she spoke Spanish to him and called the bios mommy and daddy. More than anything I hated that she was on their side. She believed in them and I could tell.