Last Friday in July

It was the last supervised visit in July. Fridays were always so hard for Julian and I. Our mommy and baby routine was always thrown off. We had to rush our mornings on Fridays and they were full of making sure he ate something just in case they didn't feed him. The bios were also very particular about his clothes. They sent him home in outfits they purchased and always told the social worker who brought him back to me that they wanted to see him in that outfit the next visit. His hair was always to dry to them so they would send home products they wanted us to try. Each visit was a different problem for these people. And we could do nothing about their requests except do as they asked because to social services this was their child and they got what they wanted. The problem for me was they were always worried about his appearance. It didn't matter to them that he hadn't learned to roll over yet because of his injuries. They never asked me for details on his physical therapy or how his acid reflux was. It wasn't a concern to them that he had night terrors or that he was sick for three days after his vaccinations. Instead they concentrated on his outward appearance. And so this is what we had to concentrate on in order to get out the door.

So on the last Friday of July, Julian and I rushed around the house trying to make it on time to his supervised visit. He was in their clothes as they requested. His hair was full of the products I was told to use. And by the time we both got to the garage door we were both ready for a nap. But that didn't matter to anyone but us. What Julian or I needed didn't matter, what mattered is that we were to the visit on time and that he looked pretty. If I were the bios I wouldn't have cared if his face was dirty as long as the police were working on who hurt my child....assuming I wasn't guilty of hurting him myself. It wouldn't matter to me if the people taking care of him put him in trendy kids clothes as long as he was cool in the summer and warm in the winter. More than that I wouldn't worry about his hair being to dry or sticking strait up in the air if he smiled and his eyes glistened each time I saw him because he was happy to see me. But then again I would never have been in the position the bios were in because I would never had made the dumb decisions they did.

As I put my baby in the car that Friday I prayed for a miracle as I always did when I drove him to these visits. God PLEASE let them screw up enough so they don't get him back. With each plea the butterflies grew in my stomach. The closer we got to the visit the more I felt the lump in my throat. I hated handing Julian over to whoever came out to get him for the visit. It was an hour of our day but to me it was an hour I would never get back. It was also an hour that could change the entire way this case could go.

If it was a good hour Betty Rose would continue to talk about reunification. If they would just stop showing up to these visits we could finally get their rights revoked and move on with our lives. Each hour he spent with the bios made a difference in the case. I just wanted more hours that put the case in our favor vs. theirs.

As always we were right on time. Julian was in the back seat sleeping as I parked the car. As soon as the car stopped he took that as his cue to wake up. I took him out of his car seat and put him in the passengers seat while we waited for someone to come get him. As we sat in the car together we played peek a boo. I would cover his head with his favorite blue blanket, the one that looked like Grovers fur from Sesame Street and it had an embroidered giraffe on it. With his head covered I would say, "Where's Julian?" He would remain very still under the blanket but I could feel his smile fill the air. So I would ask again "Where's Julian?" He would rip the blanket from his head and giggle while I yelled, "There he is!"

It was a game that occupied us for hours some days and each giggle made me want to play over and over just to hear it. As we played games and waited I looked at the clock and my heart began to race. The bios were late for the visit! I was so excited at the thought of them not showing up! I was remembering the last time they didn't show up and I was told that if they were 10 minutes late the visit was cancelled. I waited two more minutes and then I started calling around to figure out if we could go home or not.

I knew if I didn't get a hold of someone like Betty Rose and we just left that somehow it would be my fault that the visit was messed up. I made five phone calls and finally got a hold of one of the girls that usually supervised the visits. I told her we were waiting outside and she said, " Well they haven't shown up yet and they haven't called us to give us an excuse. When I tried to call them I got the message that their phone had been disconnected. So they are either to late or they choose not to show up. Whatever the case you can go home. I will tell Betty Rose they didn't show and that you were here on time." I couldn't believe my ears! FINALLY one point for our team. The bios didn't show! I hung up the phone, put Julian back in his car seat and got out of that parking lot like a bat out of hell. I was flying to get out of there because I didn't want to give them a chance to show up late and still have the visit.

All the way home I thank God for the blessing. I prayed it was the start of a trend. I started to think to myself, maybe since she got pregnant they will just give up on seeing Julian. The phone was disconnected...maybe they left town. Wouldn't that be the best thing for all of us at this point. For them to just up and leave! If they just gave up we could finally be a real family! Just the three of us living the dream my husband and I had hoped for all this time. I knew that with them not showing up things were finally going to change. Betty Rose would finally have to see they didn't deserve to have Julian. They couldn't even show up for an hour that week to see their child. I couldn't wait to hear what she had to say about this visit!