Just tell the Truth

After meeting Julian's G.A.L we were on top of the world as a family. We were once again feeling secure about Julian's case and the evidence against the bios. We were working on his physical strength and endurance, and he was blossoming like a rose in spring. Life for those four days between meeting Julian's G.A.L and Betty Rose's monthly home visit was good!

It was amazing what a few days of freedom away from social services could do for our family. When we were free of visits to our our home, physical therapy or supervised visits with the bios. We felt free. We did things like go to the zoo or swing on the swings park. Sometimes just taking long walks and enjoying the sun on our faces made us all feel stress free and full of joy.

And then there were days that Betty Rose came to our home. She seemed to be the thief that stole our joy. That turned our world from feeling freedom to feeling like a slave to fear and doubt. Her second visit wasn't much better than the first. In fact to me it was worse than the first.

She once again rambled on about a baby fix and immediately snatched Julian up from his toys so she could cuddle with him. She kissed his face and talked nonsense to him for the first 15 minutes of the visit. I had decided this time I was going to let her lead the visit instead of me asking all the questions to see if maybe our last visit was just a "bad day" for her. But after listening to her for 15 minutes ramble on to Julian and not ask me one thing about his care I could no longer hold my tongue.

And so with a deep breath I said, "So how is the case going?" As I watched her facial expressions change I could tell she didn't like the idea of me having any information about the case. I couldn't figure that out because to me even if it was bad news for my husband and I the truth was better than not knowing anything at all. I studied her eyes as if looking for a clue to the truth but all I saw in her eyes was disgust. She said," Well your not going to like this but the babysitter took a polygraph test and failed it. So it looks like she might be the one that caused the injuries not mom and dad."

My heart sank and I began to panic. I wasn't sure how polygraphs held up in court but I was sure these people weren't smart enough to pass a polygraph test. So what if the babysitter did do it? Would that change how this case went? They still had the unexplained death of their first child and his wrist was broken for a week before the second injuries to his legs occurred. And what about the fact that they still waited another week before taking him to the hospital. Did any of that matter or was she about to tell me that all that mattered was this polygraph.

With a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes I asked, "So what does that mean?" She said," Well nothing yet. But if the parents aren't guilty he needs to be returned home to them." I hated the way she just threw words out at me and disregarded our feelings. I hated how she never gave us credit for loving him and taking care of him. I knew from our first visit that she couldn't be trusted with my heart but I also knew she held the cards. With those words she just threw out there she made it very clear I wasn't his mother and the truth was she really didn't see me being his mother in the future she just didn't have the guts to throw it out there for me to hear.

She saw the rage in my eyes when I heard her say that he needed to be returned home. What the hell was she talking about? HE WAS HOME! She was sitting with him in his home. My face was getting to the purple stage I could tell by the heat I was feeling. I wanted to tear her apart for even thinking that my child would go back to those people. But as I gathered my thoughts and held in the cuss words I smiled at her and looked into her now fearful eyes and said, "Have you figured out how the first child died?" She quickly said, "Not yet." I said, "Interesting. Have you for sure ruled mom and dad out as suspects? I mean have the police arrested the babysitter?"

I heard her swallow hard like her throat was closing from the truth in which she was about to speak. At that moment I took my son from her and said, "How are the visits going when they have him for just one hour a week? Are they becoming the parents you want them to be so he can GO HOME?"

Her eyes grew softer I think in hopes that I would calm down. It was the first time I saw her look human. She said, "Well the truth is visits aren't going great. They can't seem to figure out the formula thing so they haven't been feeding him. When they have him they are overstimulating him so he cries most of the time. They can't seem to bond with him and I can physically watch him relax when I take him out of the room from being with them. Your right we still don't have all the facts about the first infants death. Mom's story about how the baby died just doesn't seem right but I don't have a death certificate to back up how the baby died. I need to get that from Honduras. And no the police haven't made an arrest. They actually think that even though the babysitter failed the polygraph, dad is the number one suspect that caused the injuries."

I couldn't believe her. After all the crap about reunification and sending him home, she wasn't convinced that was even a possibility. I disliked her even more after she spilled her guts about the case. Sure she was finally honest about the facts but the truth was she knew this the entire time and refused to tell me until I was angry.

I said, "Betty Rose, thank you for the information. It sounds like there is still alot to be figured out on this case. I also think its time for Julian's nap so maybe you can call me later and we will set up next months appointment." I then opened the front door to let her know it was time for her to leave. As she was walking out she once again kissed Julian's face and said good bye to me and I gently closed the door behind her.