Visits Changes

As the month of August came to an end we were given the news that the Judge on Julian's case thought it was time to add more time for the bios to bond with Julian. As I heard the information from Betty Rose over the phone my heart sunk deep within my body. My mind went to dark places. Places full of thoughts like we should just pack up and run with him. We should figure out a way to have them deported. I even went as far as wondering if I could go through with taking them off the planet completely. I was surrounded by evil just at the thought of them spending any more time with my baby. And I felt each black cell of darkness around me holding me so tight I could barely breath.

The more Betty Rose spoke that day the more my heart grew heavy. It seemed that between Betty Rose, the bios and the judge they had my entire week figured out on how to get my son more time with the people that hurt him. Once again it didn't matter what our schedule was or even Julian's routine all that mattered was that his biological parents were able to see him for three more hours in a week when they couldn't even consistently show up for one hour a week.

So they had all planned mine and Julian's schedule to look like this. Monday nights from 5-6pm there would be a visit with bio dad at the county building 45 minutes from our home. Tuesday evenings from 4-5pm bio mom would have a visit at the same building. Wednesdays was our standard physical therapy appointment from 3-4pm and this was at a children's center that was an hour from our home. Thursday would be set up for any other doctors visits that may be needed or social worker home visits. Leaving Fridays for another 2 hour visit from 9-11am at the county building with both bio parents. Lucky for us, as Betty Rose so kindly said to me, we wouldn't have any visits on Saturday or Sunday.

A person would think, that after listening to Betty Rose for three months, I would soon be able to get over the shock that came from the words she spewed into my ears. But each time we spoke she always seemed to amaze me and this time was no different.

I listened to her ramble on about days and where I needed to be for close to twenty minutes. I never said a word to her. To be honest at first I couldn't even find the words to say to her over this so called request she was presenting. Finally, there was a pause and she said,"Are you still there?" I took the phone away from my ear and stared it. I pondered on if I should just hang up and pretend I never heard any of this. Or if only I had one of those blow horns they use at pro-football games and I could put it right up to the receiver! Showing her yes I was still there! But instead I took a deep breath, rolled my eyes, brought the phone back to my ear and said, "Yes Betty Rose I am here."

She said," Oh good I thought I lost you." As calmly as I could I said," Well you did. You do realize that this has me and Julian in the car for 45 minutes there and 45 minutes back home each visit. Not to mention his eating schedule and sleeping schedule will be effected dramatically. And I will also have to be somewhere for social services Monday through Friday. I find this plan to not be well thought out. This is not a job for me Betty Rose this is my life. And not only is this a problem for me, mainly this will be a problem for Julian."

Then there was once again silence between she and I. Finally I said, "Ummmm Betty Rose. Are you still there?" And as snotty as she could be she said,"Well of coarse." I then replied, "Look I am not trying to be difficult here I just think it would be easier to pick one other day that both bios could make an appointment for two hours instead of putting this small child AND myself through this everyday of the week."

And that is when for the first time Betty Rose told me this," well I hope your not being difficult just because you want to adopt him. You can't keep him from visits with his PARENTS just in hopes that we see it as a failure on their part. It will only hurt you in the long run."

With those words I was lost in my head once again. What the hell was this woman talking about? Making things harder for social services because I wanted to adopt him? Are you kidding me right now? Isn't it social services making it harder here. So is this why she never listened to me because she thinks I am making shit up so we can keep this child? Why am I "foster parent" to a child if you don't trust me to be honest? If I say he likes his routine you hear....I just want to make this harder on you! How can this be harder on social services? Obviously their hearts are in invested in any of this!

I bounced out of my own thoughts and soon heard myself cussing and Betty Rose. "Are fucking kidding me here Betty Rose? This plan you just gave me....not discussed with me or even asked me about...has US...not just me but Julian in the car for most of the day. Now you can think this is somehow harder on you all you want. And you can blame me because yes I DO WANT TO ADOPT JULIAN. But the dumbest part of your plan is the bios barely show up once a week. Now don't you think its going to be harder on THEM as well to get there everyday?"

And with those words I ended her call. I told her to figure it out my way and she did. There would be two visits a week, one on Friday for two hours and one on Saturday for two hours. But even after winning the battle of not driving everyday. The truth was my heart was still heavy. It didn't matter how many days they got to see him. It was just the idea that the bios would still be seeing him more and that wasn't good for us!