Ugh Sandy!

The beginning of the month of August brought so many changes. Julian and I had yet another social worker enter our lives in August. Her name was Sandy. I found out about her after Julian's Friday supervised visit with the bios. I was introduced to her as she was giving Julian back to me. She handed me Julian and then she introduced herself to me as though I should already know she was in the picture. She called herself a Life Skills worker. I really had no idea what that meant other than it was one more person to deal with. One more person to talk to, one more person that Julian had to be handed to and one more person that saw me as only his foster mother and not his mother.

She had been brought onto the case because the bios had not been showing up to appointments and they were saying that it was due to a language barrier. That even though Betty Rose made sure the bios were being told about all their appointments by a Spanish speaking social worker they still didn't understand when the appointments were or what was expected of them while they were at the appointments. By August they had missed three of their weekly supervised visitations with Julian, that turned out to be one out of four hours a month that they missed. There were several times they weren't showing up in court, even though their attornies were Spanish speaking, and there were therapy sessions and classes they were missing because of the supposive language barrier. Because of all these factors they were being given yet another chance to prove to the system they were fit parents through Sandy. She was brought in by Betty Rose's request to be their Spanish speaking contact and she would also walk them through their appointments weekly so there were no more excuses on missing visits, court dates or any other required appointments.

Upon meeting Sandy I knew she and I were going to struggle as much as Betty Rose and I did. As she handed me Julian that afternoon after the visit I could tell he had been through another rough visit. His eyes were swollen from crying and he looked tired. He was in yet another outfit they had chosen for him and his hair had been braided. I was always fascinated by the fact that they got one hour with this child a week and they were worried about his image rather than connecting with him. But I never questioned it, instead I just wanted to get as far away from them and social services as I could until we had to deal with it the following week.

As Sandy handed him over to me she introduced herself and before I could ask why he had been crying or how the visit went said to me, "You need to help him roll over and stand on his legs. It has been three months now and he still isn't moving. What are you doing to help him at home?" I know a look of disgust came over my face. I was so furious at the fact that I was being blamed for this child not moving. Why wasn't she asking the bios why his legs were broken in the first place. Shouldn't her concern be that he was hurt and here we were FIVE months into the case and nobody still seemed to have a clue about his injuries. I could feel my face turning more red with every frustrating thought that passed through my mind. As I started to talk I knew my voice would shake because I could feel the tears building as well. I was so tired of being the one with all the responsibility and pressure to make Julian move when I wasn't the one that hurt him in the first place. I was the one that came in and saved him from harm and now once again I was the one getting grief over his lack of movement and getting none of the credit for the things that had changed in him for the positive.

With a shaking voice and a red face I said to Sandy,"Well you should know from his file he is in physical therapy once a week and everything the therapist tells me to work I do. The physical therapist thinks he is afraid to move because of all the pain he was in while his legs were broken. Ya know two weeks is a long time to have three broken limbs with no medical attention." And then I went quiet. Although, we were outside in the parking lot full of people and cars it was like you could hear a pin drop from the silence and the tension between she and I. I knew if I didn't take a breath at that moment I would erupt with all the tears and emotions that flooded me when her words hit my ears. I couldn't lose my cool with this women. I was also holding Julian in my arms and I knew he could feel the tension in me raising. He began to try and make eye contact with me as he always did when he felt my heart change from full to broken. I looked down at him and knew he didn't need my emotions that day on top of everything else he must have been through. I tried to take a breath to help both of us out. As I looked down into his eyes I felt a small breeze rush over he and I and I knew it was God wrapping his arms around us at that moment. To give us both just a moment of peace. The air hit my hot face and I cuddled Julian closer to me. I felt his body release the tension.

I looked at Sandy waiting for a response and I got nothing from her. I said, "Look we do everything we can. He is in a walker daily just so he can figure out he can stand on his legs. I have a johnny jump up that he loves to dangle in but he has yet to figure out his little legs can bounce him around and when he isn't eating or sleeping we are working on his movement. It is very important to my husband and I that this kid figure out he can move and NOT for us but for Julian. We are just waiting on Julian now. And we will wait as long as he needs."

With that update Sandy said,"Well his parents just wanted to know why he wasn't moving at all. And I told them I would ask you." My heart broke as she called them his parents. I responded with a disgusted laugh at the thought of the people that hurt him being called his parents and I said,"because his limbs were broken for two weeks and now that they are healed he doesn't trust it won't hurt when he moves. He isn't ready yet. Tell them that." I don't think Sandy expected me to respond in the sarcastic manner in which I had because her face went to shock. At that point I said," It was nice meeting you today have a good weekend." And I walked away.

I put Julian in the car gave him his blanket for the long ride home and we drove off.