Another No Show

We went as a family to the first Friday two hour visit. It had been a long week. I had my meltdown at physical therapy. And Julian was cutting in his third tooth. Everyone was tired and needed a break from social services. It was a hot day in mid August. My husband drove while I sat in the passengers seat biting my nails and worrying. Julian sat in his car seat, wearing an insultated pair of baby blue jogging pants, a long sleeve onsie and tennis shoes. He was cranky, probably because it was nap time and he was hot. As he whined in the back I took off his shoes and socks in hopes to help him cool off. As I adjust back to facing forward and began buckling my seat belt, my husband put his hand on my leg as if to say...its going to be alright, stop worrying.

I was not only nervous about this visit but I was also fuming over the clothes they wanted him to wear that day. Every time I dressed him for a visitation day I had to put him in the clothes they brought for him to wear. Nine times out of ten he wore something in appropriate for the weather outside or something that wasn't the right size. Usually to small. Social services once again worried only about making the bios happy and not worried about Julian's comfort. It wasn't an issue that they didn't even know his size or couldn't even guess that it was going to be hot in August. It was only an issue if I didn't have him in the correct outfit that the bios wanted to see him in. It was just one more thing I used as excuse of why they shouldn't get him back. If they couldn't even figure out how to dress him for two hours on a Friday how would they figure it out 365 days a year.

With Julian's feet now bare he seemed to drift off to sleep. The radio was lightly playing in the back ground and I could feel the butterflies getting worse and worse as we got closer and closer to the county building. My mind was full of chatter. I could tell the music was playing but I could only hear my own thoughts. I was playing every visit up to this point in my head. Each time I had to drive here on Friday I knew I was only leaving him for just an hour. Now this time I was having to leave him for two hours. It seemed so much longer. I knew in my heart that they couldn't hurt him physically because the visits were supervised. But I also knew that in the past Julian's visits for just an hour caused major stress to my little man. Most days they didn't bring the right formula or they didn't bring any formula at all. So he would be starving the entire time. I always packed a bottle just in case so he would have something to eat on the ride home. The concerns the bios had were about his hair and clothes and not about if he was hungry or tired. They tried to over stimulate him with toys that were loud and full of lights, yet the toys were never age appropriate so he could never hold them. The poor kid always came home crying for hours. Now my concern was what would two hours do to him.

As we pulled into the main parking lot I looked up front for their car. We were about 15 minutes early and we didn't see their car there. My heart skipped at the thought of them not showing up. I gave my husband a look of excitement and he said, "What is that silly look for?" I said,"They aren't here yet!" He smiled and said, "It is still early don't get to excited yet. I bet they show up because they have to be in court next week." I thought oh yeah this week is a court date....my shoulders slumped over and I was back to disappointed. He was right they would show if they had to look good for court next week. We parked in the back as we always did and Julian woke up from his short nap when the car turned off. He started to cry big tears. I jumped out of the car and got him out of his car seat. As soon as he saw me the tears stopped. I sat back in the front seat with him on my lap. His little body felt so hot. My legs began to produce sweat just from him sitting on me. I asked my husband to turn the car back on because we needed the air conditioning before one of us over heated.

As the motor purred and the A/C cooled us all down. Julian and my husband played and giggled. My husband was taking Julian's little feet and putting them to his nose and in a high pitched voice he would say,"Pewey you have stinky feet." Julian laughed at the tone my husband was using and as soon as his giggle stopped he would raise his little foot to my husband because he wanted him to do it again.

As they played my heart was pounding. I was giggling at their joking around but I kept searching the back door for a social worker that would be coming to take Julian in. There were many that came out of that back door but none that we knew. Finally the clock said ten minutes late! I knew if they were ten minutes late that the appointment was canceled. I handed Julian to his dad and I began dialing Betty Rose's directly line. She of coarse didn't answer. She never did when I called. Finally, I got a hold of the gal that usually watched over the visits. She said, "They ain't here. So I am guessing it isn't happening. I haven't heard from them either." I couldn't believe what she was saying. My heart was pounding with excitement. I said to her,"Ya know they are suppose to be in court next week. " She said,"I know and this won't look good."

I hung up the phone and my husband and I both squealed in delight! This couldn't get much better for us. The visit before their court date and they didn't show! Finally a win for our side. Julian had no idea why were excited but his little face showed just as much excitement as our did. I took Julian from my husbands arms. Stripped off the hot clothes and in only a diaper sat him back in his seat so we all could drive back home as a family!